I watched Pirates 3... BEFORE the world premiere!!

Aren't you green with envy? Aren't you just about to choke on your jealousy?

Thank you, thank you. I'm the best. No, no, it's alright for you to say it. I acknowledge it.

It's not because of the pirates that I got to watch Pirates. (geddit, geddit???) I actually went to the cinema for this. I did not furtively sneak to my usual DVD seller.

It's thanks to one of my clients and my boss, actually. The client booked the entire theatre for some charity thing. And my boss was nice enough to ask client for more tickets so that almost everyone from the office got to go (including my brother, who just joined us three days ago for his internship. Lucky brat.)

So when the movie premiers TODAY (Thursday night), I will be laughing with glee at all those people desperately queueing to get tickets, when I watched it the night BEFORE, for FREE. Mua ha ha ha!

Shall I provide a spoiler here and just ruin the anticipation for everyone who's planning to watch the movie? Hmm, shall I?

People died (sort of), and was brought back to life (sort of).

Anyhow, the movie itself wasn't that great. So predictable of three-part movies for the first to be the best. That's the case with Matrix, the entire Batman series (except for Batman Begins, starring Christian Bale and an entirely different director) and unfortunately, Pirates of the Carribbean. The only trilogy that consistently got better and better right up till the last bit of the third instalment is Lord of The Rings. But that movie is in a class of its own. (Spiderman was just a major flop all the way through. After watching #2 on TV, the bunch of us couldn't even be bothered with #3.)

Pirates 3 was too fantastical, too out-of-this-world (literally and figuratively), too unreal. The first one, Curse of the Black Pearl, was darned good fun, and all about crazy, drunk, swashbuckling pirates wreaking havoc across the seven seas. Throw in some undead and unkillable and you have a nice mix of wild adventure, comic gags and exciting fight scenes. It was about human actions and interaction, and it was REAL.

The second, Dead Man's Chest, received a bit of lunacy in the form of giant squids and a 'squiddy' unkillable captain who somehow manages to achieve immortality even though his heart was OUTSIDE his chest. There was some element of the supernatural involved when Barbossa was brought back to life through some sea-witch. And then the lead character, Jack Sparrow, got swallowed by said giant squid. But we all knew it couldn't be the end of him, of course. After all, he's CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW! (to be uttered with drunken drawl while swaying back and forth)

The third, At World's End, is when the producers (or whoever writes the script) went really deep into their rum, port or vodka lime, take your pick. It takes otherworldly to a new level. Hitherto unknown goddesses of the sea spring up like enraged Amazonian Giant Women. Magical rocks turn into creepy crabs. Ships sail on desert sands. Characters are killed and return from the dead. (check out their idea of a seafarer's hell: rather unimaginative) But this piece of genius takes the cake: the director decides to turn his camera 180 degrees upside down and then right side up again.

I think they were running out of ideas. The whole series started out so well, with likeable characters, enjoyable dialogue, believable plots. Then the writers got carried away on their imagination (or rum) and the plot lines started getting as tangled as Elizabeth Swann's hair on a windy day. It got really difficult to tie up all those loose ends (and long list of characters) and give closure to a good pirate tale. Kill of some lesser characters here and there, kill off some main characters BUT bring them back to life again. Yada yada yada.

Ah well. Certainly not as bad as Matrix 3 or Superman. (Joseph will probably say that '300' was a lot worse.) And of course, it's nowhere near as bad as the three super hero babes: Aeon Flux, Ultraviolet, and... crap, I forgot one more.

Worth watching just to finish off the series, if you followed Pirates 1 and 2, but not worth watching twice. Which is unfortunate, since I'm watching it again in the cinema TOMORROW.

Nevermind, I'll just admire the delicious Orlando Bloom and try to pick up make-up tips from Jack Sparrow, whose black eyeliner simply DOES NOT BUDGE despite being subjected to swirling seas, the slimy belly of the Kraken, the Underworld, truckloads of rum, and being slapped around by offended prostitutes. Now THAT's supernatural.